We are home from Ethiopia - we returned 2/20 at 9pm

I am so thankful for all of the prayers and support that we received during this adoption journey. I know that many of you are waiting to hear how things went....so tonight is the night that I tell everyone about my blog. Scary thought....everyone will see my mispelled words and see that I really was a little "off" during this journey... A peak at the inside!



I'll post more pictures later, but I think that most people just want to see the boys and know that we really are happy and getting along and adjusting. We are doing great, but just a little tired. Right now, its about 3:00am and I am wide awake, I still haven't adjusted to US time.



Ethiopia is an amazing country. I know that people say that about many places, but I've never felt such a strong life and love energy. I know, that sounds new age, but it is so true. I felt so alive the entire time that I was there. It was not just because of the adoption, there was an amazing energy evident the first day we were there. (Maybe the energy was enhanced by the Ethiopian Coffee and truly organic food.) I have never felt more alive.



The people of Ethiopia were the warmest, most loving, genereous people. They are a country full of self and country pride. Even though there is poverty, as a visitor you are completely safe. There was never a time when I felt discomfort. People did beg, but I never felt unsafe. I wish that I could describe the amount of love and kindness from the people. I really do think that it is something that must be experienced first hand. On our trip, there were two other families picking up their kids. I think that when it was time to leave, we all felt like we were leaving our second home. There were many tears from the staff at HOH and the Americans leaving. I would have never expected to feel so connected to a country and its people in such a short time. Both of the families that we traveled with us are planning to go back to adopt more kids in the future. We are definitely planning a trip back there in a couple of years. I truly feel connected to the country and the people.



Everyone wants to know what Ethiopia is like. My best answer is that it is a cross between San Francisco and the Carribean. Ethiopia has beautiful mountains and a climate like San Francisco. While we were there it was hot during the day but cold at night. (For those of you who don't know, San Francisco is one of my favorite places to visit.) The mountains and the trees were beautiful. There were also beautiful lakes close by, but obviously no ocean. Ethiopia was like the Carribean in that there were lots of streetside shops, everything was Mom and Pop style. We all felt like we were visiting a beach town when we got outside of the city. The city of Addis was very developed by not touristy. There were not alot of high rise buildings but it was very urban. At many times during the visit, I felt like I was living in the time of Jesus. There were many donkeys walking the roads carrying supplies, and just the shop and village structure was very different from what I am used to.



That is all for tonight. I'll post more pictures soon...of Addis and of the family reunited. Maybe now I can get some rest!

2 days until we leave

Well, today I shopped for the boys and the other children staying at the transition house. I had a lot of fun shopping for my boys. As I shopped, I had my oldest daughter with me. She helped from time to time but mostly, she just listened to her Ipod and held my hand. As I was enjoying the whole experience, I felt overwealming joy and happiness. At that moment, I knew that this adoption was brought about obviously by the divine universe, but the way was pathed with the kids that I already have. I love being with them. Even when they make me mad, I feel soo much joy, just being around them. My greatest pleasure in life is just sitting on the couch and holding them. I love to hear them laugh, see them smile and dance. I love to hear them talk to each other when they think that I am not listening. I love when they climb into my bed in the morning. I even love when they are trying to explain their way out of the trouble that they've gotten themselves into.

It is my genuine, unconditional love of them that makes this adoption the next step for us. My continually growing love for them is what lets me desire to share more love with others. I am so happy, fortunate and blessed.

I am looking forward to spreading our love and welcoming our boys into their US home, knowing that Ethiopia will always be there first home.

Almost time to leave

Well, it is finally upon us. Today is Wednesday and we leave on Monday. We have our last home study update tonight at 7:00pm. That adds a certain level of stress. We've made space for our boys in the house. There is room in their closet, there is room for toys. I have the paperwork to register them in school. I have completed the last, hopefully of the paperwork, its being notorized today. Plane tickets are purchased. Arrangements are made for the kids at home, while we are away. I am ready to send what I believe will be the last check to the agency, just waiting for confirmation of the number of days we can stay at the agency's house.

Things that it is much to late to stress about: learning Amharic, cooking Ethiopian food. These obviously would be great things, but it is too late in the game to make a huge impact. I have my local Ethiopian helper/friends lined up, and there is a good Ethiopian restaurant in Dallas. I'll have to perfect these two items later.

Of course, I haven't started packing yet. I haven't purchased gifts for the boys or the staff members at the agency. I haven't purchased clothing for the boys yet either, I've thought about purchasing all of their clothing in Ethiopia to support the economy. I also thought that it might be something that would be "fun" to do together. Okay, I know that my boy at home would not find this fun, but I'm thinking this might be fun for them. I just want to get things for them that fit and that they like.

So, as the time gets closer, people keep asking if I am excited. I don't have a good word to describe the emotion accurately. Excited is not the word, I think "ready" is the best description. I want to go and get them and then get home and get started on our new life together. So, in this moment, I just focus on getting everything ready as much as possible. Clearing my work schedule for when I get back. Having everything in place for when I get back. So, instead of excited, the word is "preparing". What else can I do in this moment to assist with the transition down the line.

That's my word for today, knowing that everything is in perfect Divine order.

Let the organizing begin!

I made all of the trips mentioned in the previous email, so I am now ready to find a spot for everything and put everything in its spot. When I called my husband to let him know how much I was about to spend, he rightfully asked, "what are you buying?". My response of storage did not seem to justify the hundreds of dolllars I was about to spend. Being the wonderful man he is, he simply said, if this is what you need to make this happen, go for it. So now, I have everything I need for phase one of organization implementation!!!!

My husband asked me to wait until Feb 3 to install portions of my storage solution. Bear in mind that we are traveling on Feb 11th. That would basically leave no weekends to fill the storage solution before travelling. He thought that this would be okay. I agreed to wait (we have friends coming to town that weekend who are good with hammers and levels). I felt very stressed and stalled about his decision to wait. My friend Jennifer happened to call in the midst of my stress, she simply stated, "Kelly, you cannot wait that long". I said you are right! I called him back and told him that he would have to get help this weekend to make it happen. He got help and it will be installed this weekend! Gotta love those friends who see clearly in your chaous.

On the way to a basketball game yesterday, my 7 year old daughter asked me if I was stressed. (She was going to be dancing at halftime.) I said yes. We had just received word that our visa date was scheduled for Feb 14th, and it was time to start thinking about traveling. Thoughts of high priced tickets swirled around in my head. Anyway, my 6 year old son asked me to explain what stress was. I tried several different methods. He kept saying that I wasn't making sense and that what I was saying did not make sense. After contemplation, I had to agree with him, he was absolutely correct. Stress is a false emotion, created and felt for no rational reason. He does not have ANY iota of an idea of what stress is. After I thought some more about it, I decided to work towards eliminating the feeling of stress from my life. Stress is a condition created by unnessessary judgement. Its funny how that word judgement has sooo many consequences. We learn not to judge people, what about circumstances, tasks, bank account balances, debt ratio. Who am I to judge any of those things? I give them false value, in and of themselves, they really are completely meaningless.

Okay....I'm off to do some more organizing. This was a nice break!

Did I mention how hard it is to spend money for things that you need when plane tickets have not been purchased yet? ooohhhhhhhh wait, the phone is ringing, its the travel agent. Let's get those tickets started! Gotta go!!!

Court Date successful, the first time!

Well, we made it through court the very first time. I feel blessed and fortunate. So after months of waiting for it to happen...here we are and my house is not prepared. I didn't want to do anything too soon, therefore I did nothing. Not very logical. I heard all of the warnings from everyone, but I did not head them. So, we have a four bedroom house and it will be filled with our 5 children. You know what that means. Processes, processes, processes.....in other words a trip to Lowes and The Container Store. Decisions to be made, where should everyone sleep, fighting over the cool beds versus just the normal bunk bed.

Stress, stress, stresss.

A trip to the gym is needed to relieve this tension. I'm an everydayer now. I don't know what I would do without that daily delight.

My kids are completely oblivious to my stress, they just play Wii and go on as usual. They are not looking forward to going through all of the clothes, out with the old. At what point in life do the easy tasks become things that we judge as difficult. I continue to marvel each day about what I can learn from my children. Most things are just things that need to be done. Without judgement, it is so much easier.

So, in that light. I am going to go walk the dog, goto the gym, goto lowes to pickup, then to the container store to pickup, then home to rearrange beds and move dressers and put in all my new storage systems. Just simple things on the to do list. I am thankful for the internet and the ability to not have to do the actual shopping with three kids in tow. Thank you God for helpful people, blessings and the internet.

I am fortunate, blessed and prosperous.

My first post to a blog ever

Well, I am enterring a new world today, that of blogging. I guess this is a good place to get out how I am feeling. We have been involved in the adoption process for about a year. We received our referal on November 20th and we have a court date of January 17th. I am very excited about making the trip, but it seems to be more a combination of anxiety crossed with stess and sadness. How do we plan a trip when we don't know when we are leaving.? How do you get excited when you think of all the things that are going on in the background to make the trip a success? How do you feel excitement about making a trip to take children away from the only home they've known, even if you know that you are doing it to help them? How do you feel happiness when you are only helping two when you know that your role is much larger? How do you prepare yourself mentally to help two innocent little boys say goodbye to their father and grandmother for the last time? How do you feel happiness when you imagine what your children would feel if you were to die and then those same children, your children, were taken to a foreign land of plenty? A land of strangers. A land where the language is different. A land where you only know only your brother.

I feel honored to be given the title of adopted mother. I do not take it lightly. I spend a great deal of time contemplating how to make this work wonderfully. I have three biological children who I love tremendously. I want the adoption to enrich our family and the lives of our new little boys. I wonder how long I should stay home with my new sons, who are 5 and 6. I wonder, will I be able to give everyone the attention they need. I pray that I will be enough.

I wonder how I will fit us all into our house. Then, I remember that our 4 bedroom home is a palace to someone with no home. I go crazy thinking of all the things that I need to organize, as though organzing belongings, of which my new son's have none, will magically make everything perfect and the transition smooth. If I organize everything, have perfect schedules and perfect menus then we will attach. We all know that bonding is not created from schedules, although, I do think that comfort foods have their role.

As my biological son climbs into bed with me for the oh 10th night in a row, I ask him what does he think will happen when our new sons arrive. He says, "Don't worry mom, I'll still have time for you." Tears well in my eyes, cause that is yet another concern. How much of my son will be gone from me as he forms new sibling bonds. Then I wonder out loud, I wonder if my new son's will want to sleep in my bed? Will they take comfort from me...and I from them....

Sometimes I think that I must be very crazy. I have an amazing family with great kids who are thriving. Some would say, and are quick to say, "why would you chance this, your kids and family are great". My only answer is that I know that this is the way we are to complete our family. This truly is a dream come true. Anyone that has ever followed a dream knows that the closer you get to milestones, the harder it feels and the more you want to withdraw. As God's children, we always are given what we require and call upon. It is alway us who stops just short of the goal. There are no promises of things being easy. I do believe that it is up to us to create the fun and see it positively and to stay in the light. Why is there always so much darkness waiting to swallow us up?

The kids got bikes for Christmas from their grandparents. I took them bikeriding. One on a bike too big for her, without training wheels. One with a bike the right size, without training wheels for the first time yesterday. One a her first big girl bike with training wheels. I wonder such mundane things as, can my new boys ride bikes and how will I teach three kids to ride at the same time. I wonder what it will feel like split bike time betweeen five kidss.

My oldest daughter told me the other night that she thinks we should get one more child, a girl the same age as her...I wonder if she really means it and why she didn't tell me before now.

Thoughts from a soon to be adoptive mother while her husband and three children play at the gym.